July 8
Oslo. A strangely modern place. Although there are loads of old buildings I had an overwhelming impression of newness. The weather was rubbish so a day for doing things indoors. However, it won't come as too much of a surprise that we were operating on a tight budget with the customary less-than-fifty-quid worth of local currency.
With the money we had we caught a little ferry (not really a ferry; more like a bus, but on the water) to the Fram museum. This I had to see. I hunted high and low, but could find not evidence of Chris Osborne anywhere. In fact there was nothing relating to insipid pop music anywhere, rather the whole building being given over to a giant ship.
We spent the last of our money on a trip to the Kontiki museum; a tribute to Thor Hyadal (sic), the most famous man ever to put to sea on a raffia mat. I remember watching the story of the Kontiki on Sunday afternoons on BBC when I was a lad, so found it quite a thing to be in the same room as the actual vessel, if one could call it that.
Then it was back to the ship and set sail for Southampton.
July 9
Another day at sea. We played ping pong (interesting when played in a North Sea "breeze"), air hockey, and had a walk round the promenade deck. The most interesting thing to happen was seeing a boy fall head first down a set of stairs, while I was taking pictures. I caught the moment on camera by pure chance (L was most impressed by this piece of Crime Scene photography).
I don't know if this says more about me and my photographic abilities, but I found all the way through this trip that just as I was about to fire the shutter on what I considered to be a possible masterpiece, some coffin dodger would appear from a doorway right in to the path of my aim for a drag on a woodbine. Why can't they stay in Marks & Spencer's food hall where they should be.
Anyhow, I'd have to say that all in all I've had a really good time ... apart from losing the new fleece I bought for the trip, which was really required for sitting outside while at sea. I'd certainly consider another cruise in future. I guess that makes me officially old, but then you probably knew that anyway.
Friday, 9 July 2010
Thursday, 8 July 2010
Nordic Cruise #2
July 6
Wonderful, wonderful Copehnagen, salty old queen of the sea. Quite a nice place this. It's very clean. Having said that, everyone smokes here. I'm sure I even saw a baby in a pram puffing away!
P had only brought 400 Danish Krone (sic) with us, which is a bit under 50 quid so not much spending money. It was quite a hot day and I though I might be able to use some of that to buy a drink. However, she soon disavowed me of any such notion and no liquids were purchased. Plasters, on the other hand, these were on the approved list of purchasable items. My protestations that those might well have been brought with us leaving some money for life giving water went unheeded.
We went on a boat trip round the harbour, which was quite interesteing. That and the plasters used about half of what we had and we then went to go on an open top bus, but we no longer had enough to cover the cost. That was okay though, as it looked crap and you can walk just as easily.
We had a flirt with Tivoli Gardens, but it was too expensive for us (now if only we had some money), so we went to a Dinosaur exhibition at the same place. That used up the rest of our spending money and about 20 minutes ... and that was really stretching it as the expo was contained in two rooms.
Watched the Dutch win on the big screen on the top deck of the ship. The temperature started out okay, but as the game went on it got progressively colder and by the end I was frozen solid. I was so relieved that not equalizer was scored right at the end!
July 7
Helsingborg and Sweden. This isn't really a tourist destinantion. It was nice enough, but there wasn't a great deal to do. We took a trip up the castle keep which cost 7 euros. That was luck as we had zero Swedish money. Apparently you have to order it in! Anyhow, it was just as well as we'd have been hard pushed to spend 50 quid here.
We weren't in port long, but even so we were back on the ship well before last call.
One thing we did notice though was a woman in her mid 50s from the ship walking around the town main street when she needs one of those OAP buggies to get around the ship. WTF?!? Lazy bassa. She has the look of Elizabeth Taylor about her. And like so many people on board, she has zero f***ing manners. In the spirit of "everything matters" it doesn't take any effort to say please and thank you. C**ts.
Watched the square heads get beaten on the top deck. having learned from last night I put on a jumper and a jacket. For the first 15 minutes I was boiling, but the temperature soon plumetted and I was very wise to have done so. The game was sh*te, mind you.
Wonderful, wonderful Copehnagen, salty old queen of the sea. Quite a nice place this. It's very clean. Having said that, everyone smokes here. I'm sure I even saw a baby in a pram puffing away!
P had only brought 400 Danish Krone (sic) with us, which is a bit under 50 quid so not much spending money. It was quite a hot day and I though I might be able to use some of that to buy a drink. However, she soon disavowed me of any such notion and no liquids were purchased. Plasters, on the other hand, these were on the approved list of purchasable items. My protestations that those might well have been brought with us leaving some money for life giving water went unheeded.
We went on a boat trip round the harbour, which was quite interesteing. That and the plasters used about half of what we had and we then went to go on an open top bus, but we no longer had enough to cover the cost. That was okay though, as it looked crap and you can walk just as easily.
We had a flirt with Tivoli Gardens, but it was too expensive for us (now if only we had some money), so we went to a Dinosaur exhibition at the same place. That used up the rest of our spending money and about 20 minutes ... and that was really stretching it as the expo was contained in two rooms.
Watched the Dutch win on the big screen on the top deck of the ship. The temperature started out okay, but as the game went on it got progressively colder and by the end I was frozen solid. I was so relieved that not equalizer was scored right at the end!
July 7
Helsingborg and Sweden. This isn't really a tourist destinantion. It was nice enough, but there wasn't a great deal to do. We took a trip up the castle keep which cost 7 euros. That was luck as we had zero Swedish money. Apparently you have to order it in! Anyhow, it was just as well as we'd have been hard pushed to spend 50 quid here.
We weren't in port long, but even so we were back on the ship well before last call.
One thing we did notice though was a woman in her mid 50s from the ship walking around the town main street when she needs one of those OAP buggies to get around the ship. WTF?!? Lazy bassa. She has the look of Elizabeth Taylor about her. And like so many people on board, she has zero f***ing manners. In the spirit of "everything matters" it doesn't take any effort to say please and thank you. C**ts.
Watched the square heads get beaten on the top deck. having learned from last night I put on a jumper and a jacket. For the first 15 minutes I was boiling, but the temperature soon plumetted and I was very wise to have done so. The game was sh*te, mind you.
Monday, 5 July 2010
Nordic Cruise #1
July 3
Day one of our summer holiday and an eight hour through-the-night drive found me knackered and clapped out in Southampton Tesco car park just before dawn. On the way we had to make a few comfort breaks for L, who decide sleep was not for him. At one particular stop in the arse end of England I had to distract his attention from the seemingly empty car we parked next
to. On our way back from the restroom it became clear this car did in fact have a driver who, it became very clear, was in the process of having a BJ administed by the at that time unseen passenger. Talk of Ghana's "controversial" World Cup defeat did the trick and I made it back to the motorway without need to answer any awkward questions.
Anyhow, on arrival we had to wait about five hours before we could embark on the cruise ship, so I grabbed a couple of hours sleep ... only to awaken to a swarm of wasps around us attracted by all the dead bugs we'd amassed on the car. Scary ... and the story of my life!
So, we're underway and I'm hours away from setting foot on mainland Europe.
July 4
Woke this morning in Belgium; no evidence of child abuse as yet, but I'll be wary of it. There were a load of Navy ships in port as it was some sort of celebration day here (not related to US Independence Day ... I think) so the ships were open for visiting and there were lots of things laid on by the Belgian military. Whilst queuing up to go aboard a German support ship,
L asked me if this had been caputure duing the war. I had to explain that this was in fact a working ship and not a museum piece ... and that he should avoid mentioning the war due to the ship being full of German sailors.
Later L had a go at a few of the activities laid on, including an assault course in full NBC gear. He also got decked out in full protective gear aboard the US 6th Fleet command ship. Well at least it wasn't a construction worker or red indian chief.
Later we became aware that a boy two cabins down from us has a Vuvuzela; a big orange one. P says we should throw him overboard! Not like her to be a kill joy.
July 5
A day at sea, so not much to do other than eat and walk round the ship. Three trips round the promonade deck equals three miles so we gave it a good pounding. I can honestly say I've never seen so many glum walkers. Not a friendly bunch aboard this vessel, which is fine by me (no suprise to anyone how knows my mantra of "Friends? Time burglars").
One piece of news worth reporting ... The Little Mermaid is on holiday. Yes, I will be unable to fulfil my Holiday Callenge of having my picture taken with both her and Kim Jong-Il as she is currently in Japan. Guess it'll be me, KJI and Hamlet's ghost then!
Day one of our summer holiday and an eight hour through-the-night drive found me knackered and clapped out in Southampton Tesco car park just before dawn. On the way we had to make a few comfort breaks for L, who decide sleep was not for him. At one particular stop in the arse end of England I had to distract his attention from the seemingly empty car we parked next
to. On our way back from the restroom it became clear this car did in fact have a driver who, it became very clear, was in the process of having a BJ administed by the at that time unseen passenger. Talk of Ghana's "controversial" World Cup defeat did the trick and I made it back to the motorway without need to answer any awkward questions.
Anyhow, on arrival we had to wait about five hours before we could embark on the cruise ship, so I grabbed a couple of hours sleep ... only to awaken to a swarm of wasps around us attracted by all the dead bugs we'd amassed on the car. Scary ... and the story of my life!
So, we're underway and I'm hours away from setting foot on mainland Europe.
July 4
Woke this morning in Belgium; no evidence of child abuse as yet, but I'll be wary of it. There were a load of Navy ships in port as it was some sort of celebration day here (not related to US Independence Day ... I think) so the ships were open for visiting and there were lots of things laid on by the Belgian military. Whilst queuing up to go aboard a German support ship,
L asked me if this had been caputure duing the war. I had to explain that this was in fact a working ship and not a museum piece ... and that he should avoid mentioning the war due to the ship being full of German sailors.
Later L had a go at a few of the activities laid on, including an assault course in full NBC gear. He also got decked out in full protective gear aboard the US 6th Fleet command ship. Well at least it wasn't a construction worker or red indian chief.
Later we became aware that a boy two cabins down from us has a Vuvuzela; a big orange one. P says we should throw him overboard! Not like her to be a kill joy.
July 5
A day at sea, so not much to do other than eat and walk round the ship. Three trips round the promonade deck equals three miles so we gave it a good pounding. I can honestly say I've never seen so many glum walkers. Not a friendly bunch aboard this vessel, which is fine by me (no suprise to anyone how knows my mantra of "Friends? Time burglars").
One piece of news worth reporting ... The Little Mermaid is on holiday. Yes, I will be unable to fulfil my Holiday Callenge of having my picture taken with both her and Kim Jong-Il as she is currently in Japan. Guess it'll be me, KJI and Hamlet's ghost then!
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
Last Update ... for sure this time.
Day 18
Sunday again, and that means another “Family Fun” Day. No ferries this time, just trains and buses. We went down to Bondi Beach and walked from them to Bronte where the beach is smaller and quieter. It was even quieter than normal as the weather was shit again.
L went for a joust with the waves whilst P lay sleeping by the sea wall. I warned her that Greenpeace were likely to show up in an effort to re-float her, but she took no notice. For my part, I took a dip up to my knees in true British fashion; though regrettably I didn’t have a knotted hankie. Just for the record, the water was freezing.
We went for a potter around on the rock shelf that overhangs the bay. I was bricking it cos not only was is very high up, it was also windy and there was nothing other than common sense and sure footing preventing us for taking a header on to the rock below (yes, I am a big fearty). I spent most of the time worrying that L was about to step off due to his inability to stand in any one place from more than a nanosecond. At least that stopped me worrying about myself.
Day 19
Took the ferry to Taronga Zoo. Unfortunately we just missed the one we were hoping to get and had to wait for the next one, which is always a danger as it gives P a chance to befriend someone. In this instance it was an old woman (bad teeth and worse feet) with her grandson. To cut a long story short, we end up spending the whole visit to the Zoo with them. This meant that mostly the Granny was sitting down somewhere whilst her grandson ran around with us in tow. It’s hard enough making sure you don’t lose your own kid never mind someone else’s; too much responsibility.
After about four hours P takes me aside and says “Do you think we should tell them we need to go somewhere else?” Do I?!? In my usual reserved manner I told her that was a good plan and I fully supported her. Funnily enough they weren’t that keen to part. No idea why. Were they planning to keep us? Now as you know it’s not that I’m anti-social … no really … oh, suit yourself.
Day 20
Just one more day to go. L and I went for a jet boat ride in the Harbour today. It was fast and extremely wet (I never realised just how salty the sea was!). L loved it, but it left me with a damp arse for most of the afternoon.
We then went up to Darling Harbour and sat by the dock while the sun went down. It was quite pleasant until the familiar sound of a crowd of drunk Scots who would be more at home in Blackpool filled my ears. You can’t help but feel a little embarrassed at being associated with these bottom feeders. It was no surprise to me to find one of them sporting “the hoops“. For shame.
Day 21
Last day, so this’ll be my last entry of the holiday. To those that know me, there’ll now be no need for me to bore you with my adventures when I get back home (for which I‘m sure you‘ll be forever grateful). To those that don’t, whoever you are, I hope you’ve enjoyed the wild ride.
This is me, last survivor of the Australian Odyssey, signing off.
Sunday again, and that means another “Family Fun” Day. No ferries this time, just trains and buses. We went down to Bondi Beach and walked from them to Bronte where the beach is smaller and quieter. It was even quieter than normal as the weather was shit again.
L went for a joust with the waves whilst P lay sleeping by the sea wall. I warned her that Greenpeace were likely to show up in an effort to re-float her, but she took no notice. For my part, I took a dip up to my knees in true British fashion; though regrettably I didn’t have a knotted hankie. Just for the record, the water was freezing.
We went for a potter around on the rock shelf that overhangs the bay. I was bricking it cos not only was is very high up, it was also windy and there was nothing other than common sense and sure footing preventing us for taking a header on to the rock below (yes, I am a big fearty). I spent most of the time worrying that L was about to step off due to his inability to stand in any one place from more than a nanosecond. At least that stopped me worrying about myself.
Day 19
Took the ferry to Taronga Zoo. Unfortunately we just missed the one we were hoping to get and had to wait for the next one, which is always a danger as it gives P a chance to befriend someone. In this instance it was an old woman (bad teeth and worse feet) with her grandson. To cut a long story short, we end up spending the whole visit to the Zoo with them. This meant that mostly the Granny was sitting down somewhere whilst her grandson ran around with us in tow. It’s hard enough making sure you don’t lose your own kid never mind someone else’s; too much responsibility.
After about four hours P takes me aside and says “Do you think we should tell them we need to go somewhere else?” Do I?!? In my usual reserved manner I told her that was a good plan and I fully supported her. Funnily enough they weren’t that keen to part. No idea why. Were they planning to keep us? Now as you know it’s not that I’m anti-social … no really … oh, suit yourself.
Day 20
Just one more day to go. L and I went for a jet boat ride in the Harbour today. It was fast and extremely wet (I never realised just how salty the sea was!). L loved it, but it left me with a damp arse for most of the afternoon.
We then went up to Darling Harbour and sat by the dock while the sun went down. It was quite pleasant until the familiar sound of a crowd of drunk Scots who would be more at home in Blackpool filled my ears. You can’t help but feel a little embarrassed at being associated with these bottom feeders. It was no surprise to me to find one of them sporting “the hoops“. For shame.
Day 21
Last day, so this’ll be my last entry of the holiday. To those that know me, there’ll now be no need for me to bore you with my adventures when I get back home (for which I‘m sure you‘ll be forever grateful). To those that don’t, whoever you are, I hope you’ve enjoyed the wild ride.
This is me, last survivor of the Australian Odyssey, signing off.
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Maybe the final update???
Day 10
A very, very grey day today. It pissed down most of the day with only the odd break. The early morning news was that a police officer required reconstructive surgery after receiving a “bashing” whilst attempting to break up a Christmas morning punch-up. It’s like the whole country is run by 12 year olds.
Being Boxing Day it was the start of the Sydney to Hobart yacht race, so I thought we might go and watch the start. Unfortunately I made an uneducated guess about where it started and we ended up about two miles away from where we should have been. L spotted the masts in the distance, but it was too late to do anything about it by then.
We went to the Museum of Contemporary Art and L was quite perplexed by how a red canvas with an orange stripe painted across its centre could be art. To be honest I wasn’t able to answer him. However I was able to explain to him that the pile of sand in one of the galleries wasn’t to be played in and that it was actually someone’s very expensive art. He said he could make something just as good himself and the he was going to make a lot of money doing it. Here’s hoping he’s right so I can retire and live off the boy.
After that we went to the Observatory which was literally minutes of fun (well, how much fun can an Observatory be before the hours of darkness … or after) and from there walked in to town, which was absolutely mobbed. After fighting our way through the crowds we made it to China Town which as the name suggests was full of Chinamen. Finally we went to Paddy’s Market which contrary to the name wasn’t full of Paddies, but was exactly like the Barras; full of crap and tat. However I did see my second Tim of the trip. Don’t they have anything other than green and grey hoops to wear???
Day 11
Sunday is “Family Fun Day” on public transport (i.e. it’s much cheaper than normal if you have a kid in tow) so P unveiled her plan to spend the whole day riding trains and ferries. That’ll be no surprise to anyone that knows her. Luckily it only turned out to be half the day, using three trains and three ferries.
We went to Manley which was a much more impressive beach than Bondi (well, cleaner anyhow). Highlight of the day was having fish and chips by the sea wall. Lowlight was a massive barney walking along the path round the bay when I voiced my opinion that P smacking a cyclist in the face with an umbrella was a bad thing. According to her it was not really her fault as he shouldn’t have been cycling there in the first place. I’d been telling her all week that it was a bad idea to use an umbrella as a pointer, like some eighty year old dowager might; an accident waiting to happen. Some days I’d rather insert red hot needles in to my eyeballs than be within 10 miles of her. Today was one of those days.
Day 12
We met up with our old neighbours and their kids today. They moved to Canberra earlier this year and P kept in touch with them since then. Nothing much of any note happened though. The weather was shit beyond belief and chucked it down almost the whole day. The cloud was so low you couldn’t see the top of the Sydney Tower.
Saw yet another Tim. What a shame it is to have nothing else to define their existence other than their tim-ness.
Day 13
At long last the weather changed and we had a beautiful day. L and I took a walk down to Circular Quay while P indulged in her favourite pass time of housework. Saw a topless woman (very pert) down by the naval base. Luckily L didn’t notice her as he isn’t quite at the age where he can appreciate such things. He was too busy challenging me to a “walking race”. By the time we were finished that we were both drenched in sweat and, as you can imagine, that didn’t go down too well with P as we needed a full change of clothes before going out in the afternoon.
Went to the Sydney Tower, but it was about 1000 degrees inside and there was a 75 minute wait in line to get to the top. Given that we decided we’d come back another day.
Had some excitement when two ambulances and a police car showed up at the close. They were there for ages and were in a flat on one of the floors below, but they left empty handed so not sure what it was all about. Although I was “asked” to, I certainly wasn’t going to go down stairs and gawp like some red neck ghoul.
Day 14
Went to Wildlife World where L decided to spend 20 dollars of his holiday money on having his picture taken with a Koala. It was a bit of a damp squib though as the animal was asleep in a tree. Seemed a bit cruel to have a line of tourists rock up and stroke it while it was trying to have a kip in a tree, but then this country doesn’t seem to be bound by many of the conventions we have back home. The main attraction was an enormous Croc that had just been shipped in from Darwin. L made us hang around for over an hour longer than we should have stayed so he could see it being fed, but all it did was lie completely still. Very exciting.
We then went to the Chinese Gardens. You can hire traditional Chinese costume here for $5 and we got one for L. He spent the next hour charging around with a Bo Staff like Monkey. P started yakking to a Russian woman while L played with the boy she was with; he was only 6 but spoke excellent English and was as tall as L already. L now fancies himself as a Chinese superhero and wants to buy himself a costume to wear at home.
Day 15
Woke up to an enormously stiff neck; ouch. P recons she’s worse off than me and has arthritis; arthritis of the brain maybe. Weather’s a bit grey again.
Then it was off to the Aquarium, which was pretty much like any other aquarium with one exception; the Brazilians are back! And I don’t mean the good kind, I mean the human variety; the spoiled assholes who are rich enough to leave Brazil. It was like a flash back to Orlando.
These people aren’t just good at footy, they are world class at thinking they are allowed to do whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want, wherever the hell they want. It’s no surprise that Brazil has created sod all of any use. We give the world television, penicillin, and the telephone; they give the world a stone dude on a hill, a titty parade, and all manner of STDs. Grrrr.
Fireworks! Happy New Year.
Day 16
2010 dawns to drizzle and dreadful mugginess. Went to the Australian Museum which was bit stuffy and a bit fusty. It was mostly dead animal and fake dinosaur bones; not nearly as impressive as some of the other museums we’ve been to.
After that we stopped by Hyde Park and L and I looked around the war memorial there. It’s quite an impressive building and a fitting tribute to chaps who fought died so I wouldn’t have to.
I think I’ve been here long enough now. I’ve brown weary of being on holiday and hanker for the mother country; not to mention I’m getting worried I’ve a burst pipe at home now that I know it’s been -6 there!
Day 17
Finally went up the Sydney Tower following our earlier abortive attempt. Thankfully the weather had cleared and we got a great view of the city. There was also a simulator ride but it was a bit crap and smelled funny inside. L enjoyed it though. Also went to the Barracks Museum which was quite interesting. I even got to try out a hammock for the very first time; very comfortable it was too.
Happened across a sports shoe shop called Athletes Foot. Now I can understand the play on words, but naming your store after a disease seems a bit counter intuitive. A fungal infection of the toes hardly conjures up positive images.
A very, very grey day today. It pissed down most of the day with only the odd break. The early morning news was that a police officer required reconstructive surgery after receiving a “bashing” whilst attempting to break up a Christmas morning punch-up. It’s like the whole country is run by 12 year olds.
Being Boxing Day it was the start of the Sydney to Hobart yacht race, so I thought we might go and watch the start. Unfortunately I made an uneducated guess about where it started and we ended up about two miles away from where we should have been. L spotted the masts in the distance, but it was too late to do anything about it by then.
We went to the Museum of Contemporary Art and L was quite perplexed by how a red canvas with an orange stripe painted across its centre could be art. To be honest I wasn’t able to answer him. However I was able to explain to him that the pile of sand in one of the galleries wasn’t to be played in and that it was actually someone’s very expensive art. He said he could make something just as good himself and the he was going to make a lot of money doing it. Here’s hoping he’s right so I can retire and live off the boy.
After that we went to the Observatory which was literally minutes of fun (well, how much fun can an Observatory be before the hours of darkness … or after) and from there walked in to town, which was absolutely mobbed. After fighting our way through the crowds we made it to China Town which as the name suggests was full of Chinamen. Finally we went to Paddy’s Market which contrary to the name wasn’t full of Paddies, but was exactly like the Barras; full of crap and tat. However I did see my second Tim of the trip. Don’t they have anything other than green and grey hoops to wear???
Day 11
Sunday is “Family Fun Day” on public transport (i.e. it’s much cheaper than normal if you have a kid in tow) so P unveiled her plan to spend the whole day riding trains and ferries. That’ll be no surprise to anyone that knows her. Luckily it only turned out to be half the day, using three trains and three ferries.
We went to Manley which was a much more impressive beach than Bondi (well, cleaner anyhow). Highlight of the day was having fish and chips by the sea wall. Lowlight was a massive barney walking along the path round the bay when I voiced my opinion that P smacking a cyclist in the face with an umbrella was a bad thing. According to her it was not really her fault as he shouldn’t have been cycling there in the first place. I’d been telling her all week that it was a bad idea to use an umbrella as a pointer, like some eighty year old dowager might; an accident waiting to happen. Some days I’d rather insert red hot needles in to my eyeballs than be within 10 miles of her. Today was one of those days.
Day 12
We met up with our old neighbours and their kids today. They moved to Canberra earlier this year and P kept in touch with them since then. Nothing much of any note happened though. The weather was shit beyond belief and chucked it down almost the whole day. The cloud was so low you couldn’t see the top of the Sydney Tower.
Saw yet another Tim. What a shame it is to have nothing else to define their existence other than their tim-ness.
Day 13
At long last the weather changed and we had a beautiful day. L and I took a walk down to Circular Quay while P indulged in her favourite pass time of housework. Saw a topless woman (very pert) down by the naval base. Luckily L didn’t notice her as he isn’t quite at the age where he can appreciate such things. He was too busy challenging me to a “walking race”. By the time we were finished that we were both drenched in sweat and, as you can imagine, that didn’t go down too well with P as we needed a full change of clothes before going out in the afternoon.
Went to the Sydney Tower, but it was about 1000 degrees inside and there was a 75 minute wait in line to get to the top. Given that we decided we’d come back another day.
Had some excitement when two ambulances and a police car showed up at the close. They were there for ages and were in a flat on one of the floors below, but they left empty handed so not sure what it was all about. Although I was “asked” to, I certainly wasn’t going to go down stairs and gawp like some red neck ghoul.
Day 14
Went to Wildlife World where L decided to spend 20 dollars of his holiday money on having his picture taken with a Koala. It was a bit of a damp squib though as the animal was asleep in a tree. Seemed a bit cruel to have a line of tourists rock up and stroke it while it was trying to have a kip in a tree, but then this country doesn’t seem to be bound by many of the conventions we have back home. The main attraction was an enormous Croc that had just been shipped in from Darwin. L made us hang around for over an hour longer than we should have stayed so he could see it being fed, but all it did was lie completely still. Very exciting.
We then went to the Chinese Gardens. You can hire traditional Chinese costume here for $5 and we got one for L. He spent the next hour charging around with a Bo Staff like Monkey. P started yakking to a Russian woman while L played with the boy she was with; he was only 6 but spoke excellent English and was as tall as L already. L now fancies himself as a Chinese superhero and wants to buy himself a costume to wear at home.
Day 15
Woke up to an enormously stiff neck; ouch. P recons she’s worse off than me and has arthritis; arthritis of the brain maybe. Weather’s a bit grey again.
Then it was off to the Aquarium, which was pretty much like any other aquarium with one exception; the Brazilians are back! And I don’t mean the good kind, I mean the human variety; the spoiled assholes who are rich enough to leave Brazil. It was like a flash back to Orlando.
These people aren’t just good at footy, they are world class at thinking they are allowed to do whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want, wherever the hell they want. It’s no surprise that Brazil has created sod all of any use. We give the world television, penicillin, and the telephone; they give the world a stone dude on a hill, a titty parade, and all manner of STDs. Grrrr.
Fireworks! Happy New Year.
Day 16
2010 dawns to drizzle and dreadful mugginess. Went to the Australian Museum which was bit stuffy and a bit fusty. It was mostly dead animal and fake dinosaur bones; not nearly as impressive as some of the other museums we’ve been to.
After that we stopped by Hyde Park and L and I looked around the war memorial there. It’s quite an impressive building and a fitting tribute to chaps who fought died so I wouldn’t have to.
I think I’ve been here long enough now. I’ve brown weary of being on holiday and hanker for the mother country; not to mention I’m getting worried I’ve a burst pipe at home now that I know it’s been -6 there!
Day 17
Finally went up the Sydney Tower following our earlier abortive attempt. Thankfully the weather had cleared and we got a great view of the city. There was also a simulator ride but it was a bit crap and smelled funny inside. L enjoyed it though. Also went to the Barracks Museum which was quite interesting. I even got to try out a hammock for the very first time; very comfortable it was too.
Happened across a sports shoe shop called Athletes Foot. Now I can understand the play on words, but naming your store after a disease seems a bit counter intuitive. A fungal infection of the toes hardly conjures up positive images.
Friday, 25 December 2009
Update #3
Day 7
Didn’t really do anything of note today, but it was blisteringly hot again. Once again my efforts to access the internet via McD’s Wi-Fi failed miserably. I can only imagine their bandwidth is being raped by all the back packing reprobates that throng this area. Did find a good connection at “The Rocks” though, which is a stretch of dockside between Circular Quay and Sydney Harbour Bridge. The only downside being the day was so bright I could see bugger all on my laptop screen. To make matters worse a seagull shat on me as I was finishing up.
We also spent a pleasant 10 minutes in the company of a local tramp. We saw an old guy taking his dog for a swim (from a bridge with a leash, or at least a rope) and P stops to say hello. Fair enough in this season of goodwill, but then proceeds to ask what happened to his hand (that would be the one no longer attached to him). He then recounts the tale of how is was burned off in a shoe factory accident. This leads to him showing us his broken leg that healed at all angles and his mashed foot complete with black toenails. No harm to the old chap, but he was ripe and was very difficult to understand (no teeth and a thick Greek accent).
L is disconsolate due to missing all the bad weather in Blighty. Being the drama queen that he is (obviously takes after his mother) he says he’ll kill himself if there’s no snow when we get back. Best get in touch with the Co-op Funeral Services then.
In other news, had an argument with P about how exchange rates work. The Aussie Dollar will get you 54p today, but according to P the exchange rate is different the other way round. WTF?
Day 8
Went to Luna Park today. L was uber excited, thinking this was going to be a Disney-esque theme park. Imaging his disappointment when it turned out to be a sub-Blackpool pleasure beach. It was also the first place I come across with any bugs more distasteful than a Dragonfly; there were horseflies as big as your head (unless this is being read by MG, in which case the flies were considerably smaller than your head).
Walked across Sydney Harbour Bridge (the free route at road level rather than 100 quid route over the arch). It took about 20 minutes to walk, stopping off here and there to take pictures. Quite interesting to have done it once, but I don’t think I’ll be doing it again; we came back on the train.
Day 9
Christmas Day and I can honestly say I’ve never felt it was less like Christmas. We went to see Avatar at the IMAX. I have to say it was quite breath taking. I doubt I’ll see anything more entertaining next year. Apart from that there’s not too much to report. As you’d imagine, most everything was closed so there wasn’t much scope to do anything else. The main point of note was the shameful joy I took in watching an enormous queue build up out side the IMAX waiting for Avatar ticket when I knew it was already sold out. Yes, I’m a small bitter man in so many ways.
Didn’t really do anything of note today, but it was blisteringly hot again. Once again my efforts to access the internet via McD’s Wi-Fi failed miserably. I can only imagine their bandwidth is being raped by all the back packing reprobates that throng this area. Did find a good connection at “The Rocks” though, which is a stretch of dockside between Circular Quay and Sydney Harbour Bridge. The only downside being the day was so bright I could see bugger all on my laptop screen. To make matters worse a seagull shat on me as I was finishing up.
We also spent a pleasant 10 minutes in the company of a local tramp. We saw an old guy taking his dog for a swim (from a bridge with a leash, or at least a rope) and P stops to say hello. Fair enough in this season of goodwill, but then proceeds to ask what happened to his hand (that would be the one no longer attached to him). He then recounts the tale of how is was burned off in a shoe factory accident. This leads to him showing us his broken leg that healed at all angles and his mashed foot complete with black toenails. No harm to the old chap, but he was ripe and was very difficult to understand (no teeth and a thick Greek accent).
L is disconsolate due to missing all the bad weather in Blighty. Being the drama queen that he is (obviously takes after his mother) he says he’ll kill himself if there’s no snow when we get back. Best get in touch with the Co-op Funeral Services then.
In other news, had an argument with P about how exchange rates work. The Aussie Dollar will get you 54p today, but according to P the exchange rate is different the other way round. WTF?
Day 8
Went to Luna Park today. L was uber excited, thinking this was going to be a Disney-esque theme park. Imaging his disappointment when it turned out to be a sub-Blackpool pleasure beach. It was also the first place I come across with any bugs more distasteful than a Dragonfly; there were horseflies as big as your head (unless this is being read by MG, in which case the flies were considerably smaller than your head).
Walked across Sydney Harbour Bridge (the free route at road level rather than 100 quid route over the arch). It took about 20 minutes to walk, stopping off here and there to take pictures. Quite interesting to have done it once, but I don’t think I’ll be doing it again; we came back on the train.
Day 9
Christmas Day and I can honestly say I’ve never felt it was less like Christmas. We went to see Avatar at the IMAX. I have to say it was quite breath taking. I doubt I’ll see anything more entertaining next year. Apart from that there’s not too much to report. As you’d imagine, most everything was closed so there wasn’t much scope to do anything else. The main point of note was the shameful joy I took in watching an enormous queue build up out side the IMAX waiting for Avatar ticket when I knew it was already sold out. Yes, I’m a small bitter man in so many ways.
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
Message from Oz #2
Day 4
Another grey day. P is moaning about her ankle so L and I go out to find a suitable support. It costs $25 and I don’t know whether that’s a lot or not but it certainly sounds a lot for a bit of elastic. And they come in different sizes; who’s have thought. The chap in the shop asks who it’s for so I tell him it’s for my lovely wife who’s about the same height as me but a bit fatter. L nearly chokes and splutters out “A bit!” before I manage to shut him up. Anyhow we get it and tell P that’s Christmas come early for her. She says it’s too small (I guess L was right) but at 25 bucks, which I still believe to be a lot for a rubber band, she can wear it. Anyhow, aren’t they supposed to be tight?
Had to wait ages for P’s family to arrive as they were taking a Guinea Pig to the vets before coming to get us. It had a suspected broken leg and needed to be sent to a specialist at the cost of $600. What with the earlier rubber band pricing incident I clearly know nothing of the value to money here. I’d have balked at that cost to fix P’s leg if it’d been broken! I thought a Guinea Pig would cost about 30 quid to buy new. Wouldn’t you just get another one? As a non-pet owner I’m not the best person to comment.
Anyhow, when they got here we went for a drive to Darling Harbour. It’s a harbour and it’s got an uninspiring shopping centre which is very definitely split in to two sections; women’s clothes in one half and tourist tat in the other. Having said that, the IMAX cinema is here so I’ll definitely be back.
The day ended with a trip to Bondi beach, which wasn’t anywhere near as impressive as the hype would suggest. It was also verging on being cold. No, not verging, it was most definitely cold. Sitting having a drink on the promenade, the temperature felt a lot like windy day in Largs. Here’s hoping for better tomorrow.
Day 5
Bright blue sky greets me this morning. Actually I greet the bright blue sky as I’ve been up since 4:30am. I’m well and truly buggered up by the time difference. I’m constantly tired but can’t sleep.
Today was mostly taken up with a visit to the Powerhouse Museum. It was a bit like the London Science Museum, only smaller. There were loads of things for L to do and he quite enjoyed it. There was any 80s exhibition on and, whilst it was quite interesting, it bringing the aging process home. There were so many things I thought “I had that” or “I saw that” it made me think I’m something of a museum piece myself!
Day 6
For the first time since 14th December I’ve had what would pass for a decent night’s sleep. Hopefully that’ll continue. When I woke and turned on the TV the news was that a brawl had broken out at a carol concert in Sydney last night with riot police using taser guns on the carollers. I suppose it’s due to their colonial past, but it seems hard to reconcile a riot with carolling. Only in Australia.
Went to the Maritime Museum today and very interesting it was too. We toured the four exhibit ships moored in the harbour and was it ever hot aboard the submarine. If ever I needed any convincing, there’s no way I’d want to be incarcerated for weeks at a time aboard a glorified tin can full of sweaty seamen … ooh er missus.
We booked tickets to see Avatar at the IMAX on Christmas Day do so L and I were quite excited about that. Until then it looked like the highlight of our Christmas Day would be watching a rerun of the 2003 Top Gear Christmas Special … that true by the way!
Another grey day. P is moaning about her ankle so L and I go out to find a suitable support. It costs $25 and I don’t know whether that’s a lot or not but it certainly sounds a lot for a bit of elastic. And they come in different sizes; who’s have thought. The chap in the shop asks who it’s for so I tell him it’s for my lovely wife who’s about the same height as me but a bit fatter. L nearly chokes and splutters out “A bit!” before I manage to shut him up. Anyhow we get it and tell P that’s Christmas come early for her. She says it’s too small (I guess L was right) but at 25 bucks, which I still believe to be a lot for a rubber band, she can wear it. Anyhow, aren’t they supposed to be tight?
Had to wait ages for P’s family to arrive as they were taking a Guinea Pig to the vets before coming to get us. It had a suspected broken leg and needed to be sent to a specialist at the cost of $600. What with the earlier rubber band pricing incident I clearly know nothing of the value to money here. I’d have balked at that cost to fix P’s leg if it’d been broken! I thought a Guinea Pig would cost about 30 quid to buy new. Wouldn’t you just get another one? As a non-pet owner I’m not the best person to comment.
Anyhow, when they got here we went for a drive to Darling Harbour. It’s a harbour and it’s got an uninspiring shopping centre which is very definitely split in to two sections; women’s clothes in one half and tourist tat in the other. Having said that, the IMAX cinema is here so I’ll definitely be back.
The day ended with a trip to Bondi beach, which wasn’t anywhere near as impressive as the hype would suggest. It was also verging on being cold. No, not verging, it was most definitely cold. Sitting having a drink on the promenade, the temperature felt a lot like windy day in Largs. Here’s hoping for better tomorrow.
Day 5
Bright blue sky greets me this morning. Actually I greet the bright blue sky as I’ve been up since 4:30am. I’m well and truly buggered up by the time difference. I’m constantly tired but can’t sleep.
Today was mostly taken up with a visit to the Powerhouse Museum. It was a bit like the London Science Museum, only smaller. There were loads of things for L to do and he quite enjoyed it. There was any 80s exhibition on and, whilst it was quite interesting, it bringing the aging process home. There were so many things I thought “I had that” or “I saw that” it made me think I’m something of a museum piece myself!
Day 6
For the first time since 14th December I’ve had what would pass for a decent night’s sleep. Hopefully that’ll continue. When I woke and turned on the TV the news was that a brawl had broken out at a carol concert in Sydney last night with riot police using taser guns on the carollers. I suppose it’s due to their colonial past, but it seems hard to reconcile a riot with carolling. Only in Australia.
Went to the Maritime Museum today and very interesting it was too. We toured the four exhibit ships moored in the harbour and was it ever hot aboard the submarine. If ever I needed any convincing, there’s no way I’d want to be incarcerated for weeks at a time aboard a glorified tin can full of sweaty seamen … ooh er missus.
We booked tickets to see Avatar at the IMAX on Christmas Day do so L and I were quite excited about that. Until then it looked like the highlight of our Christmas Day would be watching a rerun of the 2003 Top Gear Christmas Special … that true by the way!
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